We've all wanted to do this.

First F-117 at DM "bone yard"

Click image to enlarge

Texas

It's hard to believe, but Texas has followed that idiot newspaper up in New York, and released a map of the location of all gun owners.
Their locations are marked by red dots.

Cowboy at the Pearly Gates

'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked a cowboy at the Pearly Gates.

'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered.

'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.

So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the crap out of all of you!

St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'

'Couple of minutes ago.'

Trust

There comes a time when a woman just has to trust her husband.   For example:

 A wife comes home late at night, and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.   From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two.   She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Leaving the covered bodies groaning, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.

 As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

 "Hi Honey", he says, "Your parents have come to visit us, so l let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say "hello?

Only one seat please!

 

An old man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the movie theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the old man, "Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

The old man just groaned but didn't budge. The usher became more impatient. "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have to call the manager."

Once again, the old man just groaned.

The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the old disheveled man, but with no success. Finally they summoned the police.

The officer surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All right buddy what's your name?" "Fred," the old man moaned. "Where ya from, Fred?" asked the police officer. With terrible pain in his voice, and without moving a muscle, Fred replied, "The balcony."

Easter Lore

 

 

Do you know what an Easter Bunny helper

gets when he makes a basket ?

 

Two points, just like anyone else.