Tonsils vs. Circumcision

Two little boys are going to the hospital the next day for operations.  Theirs will be first on the schedule.  The older boy leans over and asks,  "What are you having done?"  The second boy says, "I'm getting my tonsils out, and I'm afraid."

The first boy says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up, they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze."

The second boy then asks, "What are you going in for?" The first boy says, "Circumcision."  "Whoa!" the smaller boy replies.

"Good luck, buddy. I had that done when I was born.

Couldn't walk for a year."

Politically incorrect team names

I agree with our Native American population . I am highly insulted by the racially charged name of the Washington Redskins. One might argue that to name a professional football team after Native Americans would exalt them as fine warriors, but nay, nay.   We must be careful not to offend, and in the spirit of political correctness and courtesy, we must move forward.

 

Let's ditch the Kansas City Chiefs, the Atlanta Braves and the Cleveland Indians.   If your shorts are in a wad because of the reference the name Redskins makes to skin color, then we need to get rid of the Cleveland Browns.

 

The Carolina Panthers obviously were named to keep the memory of militant Blacks from the 60's alive . Gone.   It's offensive to us white folk.

 

The New York Yankees offend the Southern population .   Do you see a team named for the Confederacy?  No!  There is no room for any reference to that tragic war that cost this country so many young men's lives.

 

I am also offended by the blatant references to the Catholic religion among our sports team names.   Totally inappropriate to have the New Orleans Saints, the Los Angeles Angels or the San Diego Padres.

 

 Then there are the team names that glorify criminals who raped and pillaged .   We are talking about the horrible Oakland Raiders, the Minnesota Vikings, the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and the Pittsburgh Pirates!

 

Now, let us address those teams that clearly send the wrong message to our children .  The San Diego Chargers promote irresponsible fighting or even spending habits .   Wrong message to our children .

 

The New York Giants and the San Francisco Giants promote obesity, a growing childhood epidemic .   Wrong message to our children .

 

The Cincinnati Reds promote downers/barbiturates . Wrong message to our children.

 

The Milwaukee Brewers---well that goes without saying . . . Wrong message to our children.

 

So, there you go.  We need to support any legislation that comes out to rectify this travesty, because the government will likely become involved with this issue, as they should. Just the kind of thing the do-nothing congress loves . . .

 

With all of this in mind, it might also make some sense to change the name of the Oregon State women's athletic teams to something other than "the Beavers."

Missing wife

A husband went to the police station to file a "missing person" report for his missing wife.
 
Inspector :   What is her height?

Husband:     I never checked.

Inspector :   Slim or chubby?

Husband:     Not slim, can be chubby.

Inspector :    Color of eyes?

Husband :    Never noticed.

Inspector :   Color of hair?

Husband :    Changes according to season.

Inspector :    What was she wearing?

Husband :   Not sure whether it was a dress or a suit.

Inspector :   Was she driving?

Husband :   Yes.

Inspector :    Tell me the number, name, and color of the car. . . . .

Husband :  Black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0 litre V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight-speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode. And, it has full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door.….........

And, then the husband started crying...

Inspector: Don't worry sir we will find your car!