Martini night

I have martinis with a buddy on most Wednesday nights and my cartoon calendar had this cartoon on it:

From the New Yorker.  Subscribe or buy the calendar for more.

When I grow up

Teacher asks the kids in class:

"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

Little Johnny: "I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris , a jet to travel through Europe , an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day".
The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. And you, Susie?
"I wanna be Johnny's bitch!"

Cowboy in the drugstore

Cowboy: "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."

Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"

Cowboy: "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."

Back to the Future!

Hobbies

Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was assembling some loads for an upcoming hunt.

His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks.

Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit hunting, shooting, hand loading and fishing. Maybe you should sell your guns and boat.

Tim gets this horrified look on his face.

She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"

”There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife.”

"Ex wife!", she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"

”I wasn't "

Motorcycle maintenance

Click image to enlarge