This happened to an Englishman in France who was totally drunk.
The French policeman stops his car and asks the gentleman if he has been drinking. With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married in the morning to a French man, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception and a quite few glasses of single malt thereafter.
Quite upset, the policeman proceeds to alcohol test (breath test) him and asks the Englishman if he knows under French Law why he is going to be arrested.
The Englishman answers with humor: "No sir, I do not! But while we're asking questions, do you know that this is a British car and my wife is driving... on the other side !!
Monday, June 30, 2014
Thursday, June 26, 2014
Monday, June 23, 2014
Speech therapist
A very pretty young speech therapist was getting no where with her "Stammerers Action Group". She had tried every technique in the book without the slightest success. No-one was improving.
Finally, thoroughly exasperated, she said, "If any of you can tell me, without stuttering, the name of the town where you were born I will have wild and passionate sex with you until your muscles ache and your eyes water. So, who wants to go first?"
The Englishman piped up. "B-b-b-b-b-b-b-irmingham."
"That's no use, Trevor," said the speech therapist. "Who's next?"
The Scotsman raised his hand and blurted out "P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-aisley".
"That's no better.There'll be no sex for you, I'm afraid, Hamish."
"How about you, Paddy?"
The Irishman took a deep breath and eventually blurted out "London."
"Brilliant, Paddy!" said the speech therapist and immediately set about living up to her promise.
After 15 minutes of exceptionally steamy sex, the couple paused for breath and Paddy said.....
"-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-erry".
Finally, thoroughly exasperated, she said, "If any of you can tell me, without stuttering, the name of the town where you were born I will have wild and passionate sex with you until your muscles ache and your eyes water. So, who wants to go first?"
The Englishman piped up. "B-b-b-b-b-b-b-irmingham."
"That's no use, Trevor," said the speech therapist. "Who's next?"
The Scotsman raised his hand and blurted out "P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-aisley".
"That's no better.There'll be no sex for you, I'm afraid, Hamish."
"How about you, Paddy?"
The Irishman took a deep breath and eventually blurted out "London."
"Brilliant, Paddy!" said the speech therapist and immediately set about living up to her promise.
After 15 minutes of exceptionally steamy sex, the couple paused for breath and Paddy said.....
"-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-erry".
Sunday, June 8, 2014
The Will
Harold Smith is on his deathbed, knows the end is near. His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons, are with him.
So, he says to them:
"Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."
"Sybil, take the apartments over in Pall Mall .."
"Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Centre."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks
of the Thames .."
The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Harold slips away, she says ,
"Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to
have accumulated all this property"
Sarah replies, "Property? ... the asshole had a paper route!"
So, he says to them:
"Bernie, I want you to take the Mayfair houses."
"Sybil, take the apartments over in Pall Mall .."
"Jamie, I want you to take the offices over in the City Centre."
"Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential buildings on the banks
of the Thames .."
The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Harold slips away, she says ,
"Mrs. Smith, your husband must have been such a hard-working man to
have accumulated all this property"
Sarah replies, "Property? ... the asshole had a paper route!"
Saturday, June 7, 2014
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