Fee transparency

A man goes to a lawyer and asks, " What do you charge?"

The lawyer replies, "One hundred dollars for three questions."

The man says, "Isn't that kind of steep?"

The lawyer says, "Yes it is." "What is your third question?"

Irish Capacity for Drink

Several weeks ago, I found myself in a pub in Cork, Ireland, when a group of American tourists came in. One of the men said, in a loud voice, "I hear you Irish think you're great drinkers. I bet $5,000 that no one here can drink 20 pints of Guinness in 30 minutes."
The bar was silent, but the American noticed one Irishman leaving. No one took up the bet.
40 minutes later, the Irishman who had left earlier, returned and yelled, "Hey Yank, is yer bet still on?"
"Sure" said the American, "20 pints in 30 minutes for a bet of $5,000 ."
"Grand, " replied the Irishman, "So pour the pints and start the clock."
It was very close but the last drop was consumed with 2 seconds to spare.
"OK Yank, pay up." said the Irishman.
"I'm happy to pay, here's your money" said the American. "But tell me, when I first offered the wager, I saw you leave. Where did you go?' 
"Well sir", replied the Irishman, "$5,000 is a lot of money to a man like me, so I went to the pub across the road to see if I could do it.

Good dead of the day

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.


And she was upset. 


'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children!


I'm leaving you.


I want a divorce right away!' 


And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.'


'Go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!' 


And the husband began...


'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.


I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.


So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.


Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.


Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.


I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.


I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.'


The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, "Please ... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?"