New Canadian Duo

Touche'

This happened to an Englishman in France who was totally drunk.

 

The French policeman stops his car and asks the gentleman if he has been drinking. With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married in the morning to a French man, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception and a quite few glasses of single malt there after.

 

Quite upset, the policeman proceeds to alcotest (breath test) him and asks the Englishman if he knows under French Law why he is going to be arrested.

 

The Englishman answers with humour: No sir, I do not! But while we're asking questions, do you know that this is a British car and my wife is driving... on the other bloody side???

Touching Super Bowl Anniversary

A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sits down, a man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.  "No," he says, "The seat is empty." 

"This is incredible," said the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sporting event in the world, and not use it?" 

He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super bowl we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967."  "Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else like a friend or relative, or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

The man shakes his head. 

"No, they're all at the funeral."

Creative Thinking

A farmer died leaving his 17 horses to his three sons.  When his sons opened up the Will it read:

My eldest son should get 1/2 (half) of the total horses;

My middle son should be given 1/3rd (one-third) of the total horses;

My youngest son should be given 1/9th (one-ninth) of the total horses.

As its impossible to divide 17 into half or 17 by 3 or 17 by 9, the three sons started to fight with each other.  Eventually they decided to go to a farmer friend, whom they considered to be quite smart, to see if he could work it out for them.

The farmer friend read the Will patiently and, after giving due thought, he brought one of his own horses over and added it to the 17. That increased the total to 18 horses. Now, he divided the horses according to their fathers Will.

Half of 18 = 9, so he gave the eldest son 9 horses.

1/3rd of 18 = 6, so he gave the middle son 6 horses.

1/9th of 18 = 2, so he gave the youngest son 2 horses.

Adding up how many horses they have:


Eldest son 9


Middle son 6


Youngest son 2 TOTAL 17

Now this leaves one horse over, so the farmer friend takes his horse back to his farm.

Problem Solved!

Moral:

The attitude of negotiation and problem solving is to find
the 18th horse, i.e. the common ground.  Once a person is able to find the 18th horse the issue is resolved. It is difficult at times; however, to reach a solution, the first step is to believe that there is a solution. If we think that there is no solution, we won't be able to reach one!

Since it's Gasparilla Day

Separated at birth?

Power Outage

We had a outage at my place this morning and my PC, laptop, TV,  DVD, iPad & my new surround sound music system were all shut  down.

Then  I discovered that my iPhone battery was flat and to top it off it was raining  outside, so I couldn't play golf.

I  went into the kitchen to make coffee and then I remembered that this also needs  power, so I talked with my wife for a few hours.

She  seems like a nice  person.

How Bachelors Kill Moths

Redneck word of the day