Eat your heart out Steve Irwin

Simple radiation tester

With all the fear of radiation fallout from Japan, I thought it might be useful to tell you about a cheap and effective homemade radiation tester you can easily assemble and rely upon.

Just follow these simple instructions!

OPEN A BAG OF ORVILLE REDENBACHER MICROWAVE POPCORN,

JUST LEAVE IT ON YOUR TABLE. IF IT STARTS POPPING
 
…YOU'RE SCREWED!!!!!!!!

Sweet talking

Woman sitting at home on the verandah with her husband and she says, "I love you."

He asks, "Is that you or the wine talking?"

She replies, "It's me.............. talking to the wine."

Flybys

Wish To Live Forever

I met a fairy today that said she would grant me one wish.

"I want to live forever," I said.

"Sorry," said the fairy, "I'm not allowed to grant wishes like that!"

"Fine," I said, "then I want to die after Congress gets their heads out of their asses!"

"You crafty bastard," said the fairy.

Let's go to the video.

Pre-service announcement

In a convent in Ireland

In a convent in Ireland, the 98-year-old Mother Superior lay dying.  The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her last journey comfortable.

They tried giving her warm milk to drink but she refused it. One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen. Then, remembering a bottle of Irish Whiskey that had been received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm
milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, they held the glass to her lips. The frail nun drank a little, then a little more and before they knew it, she had finished the whole glass down to the last drop.

As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought it would be a good opportunity to have one last talk with their spiritual leader.

"Mother," the nuns asked earnestly, "Please give us some of your wisdom before you leave us."

She raised herself up in bed on one elbow, looked at them and said:

"Don't sell that cow."

Like a snow plow

The battle for the last beer

Gas prices