Muslim suicide bombers labor strife

Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so far failed to produce an agreement.



The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death will be cut by 25% this April, from 72 to only 54. The rationale for the cut was the increase in recent years of the number of suicide bombings and a subsequent shortage of virgins in the afterlife.



The suicide bombers’ union, the British Organization of Occupational Martyrs (or B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement that this was unacceptable to its members and immediately balloted for strike action.



General Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, “Our members are literally working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don’t ask for much in return but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth.”



Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands in which he currently resides, Al Qaeda chief executive Osama bin Laden explained, “We sympathize with our workers’ concerns but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad in a competitive marketplace.



“Thanks to Western depravity, there is now a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It’s a straight choice between reducing expenditure and laying people off. I don’t like cutting wages but I’d hate to have to tell 3000 of my staff that they won’t be able to blow themselves up.”



Spokespersons for the union in the Northeast of England, Ireland, Wales and the entire Australian continent stated that the strike would not affect their operations as “There are no virgins in our areas anyway”.



Apparently the drop in the number of suicide bombings has been put down to the emergence of the Scottish singing star, Susan Boyle – now that Muslims know what a virgin looks like that they are not so keen on going to paradise.

Oh no!

The sign

How's this for an exciting job?

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Click to enlarge...



Dumb and tough

A Real Man

A real man is a woman's best friend.

He will never stand her up and never let her down.

He will reassure her when she feels insecure

and comfort her after a bad day.
 
He will inspire her to do things she never
thought she could do; to live without fear

and forget regret.


He will enable her to express her deepest emotions

and give in to her most intimate desires.

He will make sure she always feels as though

she's the most beautiful woman in the room

and will enable her to be the most confident,

sexy, seductive and invincible.
 
No, wait...sorry...I'm thinking of wine.
It's wine that does all that.......Never mind.

Emergency Plan

Emergency Plan

New ride at the dollar store