I think I've seen them all

I want one!

Check it out.

Construction

Nice pin

More info on ball girl video

See also "Sign her up" below.

http://web.minorleaguebaseball.com/news/article.jsp?ymd=20080625&content_id=423063&vkey=news_milb&fext=.jsp

The earring

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.

This man knows his co-worker to be a somewhat conservative fellow, so naturally he's curious about the sudden change in fashion sense. The man walks up to his co-worker and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly.

"Well, I'm curious," begged the man, "how long have you been wearing an earring?"
"Ehr, ever since my wife found it in our bed."

Sidewalk chat

Two men are approaching each other on a sidewalk. Both are dragging their right foot as the walk. As they meet, one man looks at the other knowingly, points at his foot and says, "Vietnam, 1969."

The other hooks his thumb behind him and says, "Dog crap, 20 feet back."

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Florida mosquito

Best milk comercial ever.

Are you smarter than a Chinese 2nd grader?

Click it.

I've fallen and I can't get up

There's this priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!"

Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen". This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age.

About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the Mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, "you have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen."

The Mayor started to laugh, realizing that no-one had told the new priest about the code word. But the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about. Your wife fell three times this week."

It's obvious isn't it?

I was testing the children in my Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.

I asked them, 'If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?' 'NO!' the children answered.

'If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?' Again, the answer was, 'NO!'

By now I was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun!

'Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into Heaven?' I asked them again. Again, they all answered, 'NO!'

I was just bursting with pride for them. 'Well,' I continued, 'then how can I get into Heaven?'
A five-year-old boy shouted out, …

'YOU GOTTA BE DEAD.'

Akbank

He has an offer you can't refuse

Luigi (father): 'I want you to marry a girl of my choice.'
Son: 'I will choose my own bride!!!'
Luigi: 'But the girl is Bill Gates' daughter..'
Son: 'Well, in that case . . . ok'

Next Luigi approaches Bill Gates.
Luigi: 'I have a husband for your daughter...'
Bill Gates: 'But my daughter is too young to marry!!'
Luigi: 'But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank'
Bill Gates: 'Ah, in that case . . . ok'

Finally Luigi goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Luigi: 'I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president.'
President: 'But I already have more vice-presidents than I need!'
Luigi : 'But this young man is Bill Gates' son-in-law.'
President: 'Ah, in that case . . . ok'

And that, my friends, is how Italians do business.

How not to shoot a gun

Selling Toyotas in Scotland

Pun-a-rama

It is said that the ability to make and understand PUNS is the highest level of language development. Here are the top 10 winners in the International Pun Contest.

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The Stewardess looks at him and says, 'I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, 'Dam!'

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, 'I've lost my electron.' The other says, 'Are you sure?' The first replies, 'Yes, I'm positive.'

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. But why they asked, as they moved off. 'Because,' he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named Ahmal. The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'

8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to 'persuade' them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is SO BAD, it's good) a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

10. And, finally, there was the blogger who posted ten different puns, with the hope that at least one of the puns would his readers make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Bye bye

Stingray migration Key West

How high school changed my life

More old school Pinellas County

Went to the WLCY Star Spectaculars in the old Clearwater Auditorium
Kept every Thanksgiving night open so you could go to the Clearwater-Largo game.
Saw the Stones live at Jack Russell Stadium
Went to your school prom at the Jack Tar Harrison Hotel (now the hdqrts. for the Church of Scientology)
Hung out at the "Steps" at the foot of Turner St.
Met people on the "Spook Line"
Went to Clearwater Beach on Sat. afternoons to see Roy "Shy Guy" Nelson broadcast "10's Bandstand" live from the Pavilion
Followed the dirt road east at the intersection of Old Coachman and Belcher into the citrus grove at night with your fraternity brothers to have grapefruit fights against that semester's pledges.
Remember when the US19/Gulf-to-Bay intersection was governed by (1) stoplight. Extra credit if you ever rolled down your car window at night while stopped there to hear the peacocks at the farm on the SE parcel (before Clw. Mall was built) raising hell.
Chirped your tires when leaving curb service parking at the Steak-and-Shake at the corner of Duncan & Gulf-To-Bay.
Wanted to get your ass kicked on a Friday or Saturday night,you'd go to either Safety/Palm Harbor or Tarpon Springs
Wanted to get your ass kicked on ANY night,you'd go the the Gator Bar in the old Ulmer Arcade in downtown Largo
Same as above,but country/western style at the old Joyland on US19 in Pinellas Park.
Bought your best school clothes at either Fremacs,Colony Shops or Frank's.
Parked off the side of the road under the massive stand of Australian pines to get onto Clearwater Beach as there was no parking lot.
Watched Univ. of Tampa football at the original Tampa Stadium.
Had dinner at Herda's Steak House
Remember when 5-10K people would show up for the old Clearwater/Largo football game on Thanksgiving Night.
Hung out at the Milk Bar or the A&W on Clearwater-Largo Rd.
Had bar-b-q at the King Pig on Gulf-to-Bay.
Wanted to really impress your date and took her to the Glass Frogg on Clw. Beach
Skipped school to spend all day at the north end of Sand Key when it was still undeveloped with just woods and beach.
Spent Sat. afternoons as a kid at the matinee at the Capitol,Carib or Largo Theater.
Loved Biff-Burgers or What-a-Burgers

Old School Pinellas County

You know you're old-school Pinellas if...
You ever had Sunday dinner with your family at the Kapok Tree Inn restaurant.
You remember when Chief Charlie's had the best steaks in town.
You drove by the old rundown dump of a building called "World's Worst Pizza" on Gulf-to-Bay, before it became the home to the original Hooter's.
You went to the Brown Derby for prime rib…….and the salad bar was nice too.
Pier 60 had a pool.
If you remember Chick Smith Ford in "Sparkling Downtown Clearwater".
"Free wine, Free beer, Good Food, Good Cheer" at Brewmaster's.
If you remember the Allied Discount Tires guy yelling "Tiiiiiiires Ain’t purtty!"
When WFSO AM 570 was the only rock station you used to listen to.
When WQSR FM was known as "Quad 102 ½" and actually broadcasted in quadraphonic sound.
If you trusted Salty Sal Fleischman, Andy Hardy, Roy Leep and Hugh Smith to deliver the news, sports and weather.
If you remember when Gayle Sierens was the "sports chick" on Channel 8.
If you remember when US 19 had two lanes, and the traffic flowed even better then.
If you remember seeing incredible live bands at Skip's on Madeira Beach.
When G. David Howard was the only comedy show in town.
You went to Scotty's or Cox for all your hardware & lumber needs.
Art Grindal, for Bob Wilson Dodge.
Dr. Paul Bearer * Gordon Solie. * Hubert Rutland.
When you could read the Clearwater Sun & St. Pete's "The Independent", and on rainy days, they gave the newspapers away for free and opened up the paper boxes.
Lakeland Civic Center, Bayfront Center , Bishop Planetarium and Curtis Hixon Hall.
Boot Ranch when it was an actual ranch.
Every small city and beach town had their own police department.
You went to the Sky View, 28th St., Thunderbird & Garden drive-in movies and got bit by mosquitoes in sweltering heat watching horrible movies while eating cardboard pizza and sickeningly-sweet snow cones.
Lum's Hotdogs on 5 Ave. & one 4st at 38 ave.
Capogna's was where you went for Italian.
Busch Gardens when the admission was just $8.00
Driving over the old Skyway Bridge (It used to look like it went up into the clouds)
The old 2 lane bridge that led to the abandoned forest called Oldsmar.
Palm Harbor was farmland you drove by, on your way to Tarpon Springs.
East Lake " and "Countryside" were just roads, not entire districts.
Worlds Worst Pizza was also the 'Weeping Willow' Lounge.
Drive-thru Farm Stores [beer stores] were everywhere.
Oldsmar Drag Strip on Race Track Road .
If you remember: Burdines * Maas Brothers * Barnett Bank * 95YNF * Jeans Giant * Clearwater Mall * Sunshine Mall * Denim Den * Countryside Six Theaters * Wrestling with Gordon Solie * Saturday afternoon Creature Feature with Dr. Paul Bearer * Skyway Jack's * The Rowdies * Hugh Culverhouse * the Tampa Bay Bandits......
The Savoy Lounge * The Cock and Bull * The Surfer's Club
Eat/Meat sign at the SCL rail road hump 9th Ave N.
Changing the film in your Brownie camera in a fake hollow tree at Bush Gardens
The huge Bonfire sign on Redington
Gulf Blvd was only 4 lanes in front of the Tides and Howard Johnson’s
The "Clean Air Capital" billboard where the post office in Largo is
Patty the porpoise
The Porpoise Pub had a porpoise and sea lions
St. Pete. Beach had a curfew
We heard the top 40 hits on WLCY 2 to 3 weeks after they were released in NYC
Barney's was the only motorcycle dealer
The Gandy bridge, Indian Rocks bridge and Johns Pass were made of wood
The glass blower's shack on the Treasure Island side of John's Pass
The Sunday parties at the Red barn
The Electric Zoo
Jonny's do it yourself boat yard
The Cashmere Cat
The Pavilion in Indian Rocks Beach
Burger Chef and Sandy's
Lil Generals and 7-11 were open air
Cars used to run over rattle snakes that stretched across old Oakhurst Rd
St. Cloud was a general store with gas pumps
The who's who of Largo and Pinellas Park hung out at the feed store
Sears Town The old Dhume mansion Al Capone's cabin on Park St. Beer Can Beach (Sand Key) Skinks and chameleons Eckerd's sold Zig Zags for a nickel The Tierra Verde ferry The who's who of St Pete Beach hung out at the Oyster Shucker
Hulk Hogan played bass in a country rock band called Monarch
You went to the Sea Farer on Gandy for rock shrimp
Or the old blue crabber who lived out in the mangroves there
How could we forget Webb's City or Wolfie’s
And AC was a luxury

Letter from an Austin Texas woman to Proctor and Gamble

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the mo nth is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women.

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, a nd there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong',

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department th at, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bulls***. And that's a promise I will keep.
Always. . .

Best,

Wendi Aarons

Austin , TX

Ha ha - real funny