David

After a short visit to the United States, Michelangelo's David returns to Italy.

Redneck poem

SUSIE LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE,
SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE.
SHE WAS SO HAPPY 'BOUT IT ALL,
SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.

PAPPY TOLD HER, SUSIE GAL,
YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER.
I'D JUST AS SOON YO' MA DON'T KNOW,
BUT JOE IS YO' HALF BROTHER.

SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE
AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL.
BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS,
HE SAID, "THERE'S TROUBLE STILL."

YOU CAN'T MARRY WILL, MY GAL,
AND PLEASE DON'T TELL YO' MOTHER.
BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO'
I KNOW IS YO' HALF BROTHER.

BUT MAMA KNEW AND SAID,
MY CHILD,JUST DO WHAT MAKES YO' HAPPY.
MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE;
YOU AIN'T NO KIN TO PAPPY.

Brings a tear to yer eye, doesn't it?

Funeral

Larry died. His will provided $40,000 for an elaborate funeral. As the last guests departed the affair, his wife Sarah turned to her oldestand dearest friend. "Well, I'm sure Larry would be pleased," shesaid."I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close.

"How much did this really cost?""All of it," said Sarah. "Forty thousand."

"No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but $40,000?"

Sarah answered, "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the church.. The whiskey, wine and snacks were another $500. The restwent for the Memorial Stone."

Jody computed quickly. "$32,500 for a Memorial Stone? My God, howbig is it?"

"Four and a half carats."

MPG

A recent study conducted by Harvard University found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year.

Another study by the American Medical Association found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.

This means, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon.

Kind Of Makes You Proud To Be An American.

Real or fake?

Can you tell?

Click it.

Tent revival

Roger goes to a tent revival. After watching the preacher saving souls and healing people, he decides to get in line to approach the preacher.

When he arrives the preacher asks him "How can I help you my son?" Roger says, "It's my hearing."

So the preacher sticks a finger in Roger's ear, places his other hand on Roger's head, and starts speaking in tongues. When he is done, he asks Roger, "How's the hearing now?"

"I'm not sure," Roger answered, "my hearing isn't until Wednesday."

The bank robber

While robbing a bank, the robber's mask slips. He asks the teller, "Did you see my face?" The teller answers yes, and the robber immediately shoots him. The robber then turns to the married couple standing to the side and asks, "Did you see my face?" The husband answers, "I didn't, but my wife did."

Fossil

An Archeological team digging in Washington, DC, has uncovered 10,000 year old bones and fossil remains of what is believed to be the first politician.

Leather

Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men....that night all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos and mask over their eyes .

After a few days they meet again.....The engaged girlfriend said: "The other night, when my boyfriend came home, he found me in the leather bodice, 4" stilettos and mask. He said, "You are the woman of my life, I love you...then we made love all night long."

The mistress stated: "Oh Yes! The other night we met in the office. I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn' say a word. We just had wild sex all night."

The married one then said: "The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mothers for the night, I got myself ready, leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes. My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV controller and a beer, and said, "Hey Batman, what's for dinner?"

Okie - Dokey

Hours of entertainment

http://cubo.cc/?.jpg

Letter to dog and cat

Post VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - snout height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. Theother dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of fooddoes not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I findthat aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't helpbecause I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorryabout this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensureyour comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when theysleep. It is not necessary to sleep per pendicular to each otherstretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that stickingtails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end tomaximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If bysome miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is notnecessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your pawunder the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through thesame door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years--canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat'sbutt. I cannot stress this enough!

Audrey Hepburn wrote when asked to share her "beauty tips."

It was read at her funeral years later.

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness. For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. For beautiful hair, let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day. For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone. People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands; one for helping yourself, and the other for helping others.

April's classic

A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds. Thinking nothing of it, the man went back to his reading.

A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more. Assuming that the woman had a cold, the man was somewhat curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before, she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.

Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man finally turned to the woman and said, 'I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you okay?' 'I am sorry if I disturbed you,' she replied. 'I have a very rare medical condition - whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm.'

The man, although more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. 'I have never heard of that condition before,' he said. 'Are you taking anything for it?'

The woman nodded. 'Pepper.'