Rock & roll

I haven't heard of all of these, but I'm going to check them out.

Click it.

Shazaam!

Cat torture

Interesting experiment: cellphone vs microwave

OK, time for a surfing break

Check out these crazy PCs

CLICK

I don't think OSHA would approve

Redneck seafood dinner

I like the ending of this one

Redneck tree swing

Correspondence

The following is an exchange of correspondence between a customer and the Irish Railway Company.

Gentlemen,
I have been riding your trains daily for the last two years, and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day. I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip. I think the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people 2,000 years ago.
Yours truly,
Patrick Finnegan
-----------------------------------
Dear Mr. Finnegan,
We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of ourservice and believe you are somewhat confused in your history. Theonly mode of transportation 2,000 years ago was by foot.
Sincerely,
Larnrod Eireann, Irish Railway Co.
------------------------------------
Gentlemen,
I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are confused in your history. If you will refer to the Bible, in the bookof David, 9th Chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town on hisass. That, gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on yourtrain in the last two years!
Yours truly,
Patrick Finnegan

Tip of the day

A woman said her son found his license plate missing so he called the police to file a report. They told him people were stealing the plates to get free gas. Given the rise in gas prices, people have taken to stealing license plates, putting them on their car, then getting gas and running. The gas station will have "your" license plate # and you could be in trouble for "pump and run." Check your car periodically to be sure you still have a plate. If you should find it missing, file a report immediately!!! Keep an eye on your license plate! Make sure you always know it's there! When the license plate is reported as the "dri ve of f vehicle", it's YOU they contact! Be aware!!!! Be aware of your license plates, most of us never look to see if the plates are there or not.

With apologies to my Catholic friends

New German pope makes some changes.

The new Zen

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the Hell alone!

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the best time to do it.

4. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

6. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, just miss a couple of car payments.

7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

10. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

11. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back into your pocket.

12. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

13. Duct tape is like "The Force" in Star Wars -- it has a light side, a dark side and holds the universe together.

14. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works. AND FINALLY .

15. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

Judge to prostitute,'So when did you realize you were raped?'

Prostitute, wiping away tears: 'When the check bounced.'

Florida for Idiots

When giving directions in Florida, you should always start with the words, “take I-75 . . .”

If you're a snowbird or a non-working retiree, you absolutely cannot drive between the hours of 6am and 10am and 4pm and 7pm. This is considered to be rush hour and you're not in any rush. No exceptions.

Freeways can only go north and south. Not east and west..

Tolls are a fact of life down here, the state has to make money so now, deal with it!

I-275 will always be under construction...that's the law; there is nothing anyone can do about it, period!

A1A and ALT A1A are the same streets.

Traffic lights aren't timed and never will be.

We measure the distance you travel in time, not miles.

If you travel more than 5-10 miles on any road in any part of Florida without seeing an orange 'Bob's Barricade', you're lost!

If you miss your exit on I-75, I-4 or I-275, its perfectly acceptable to back up.

Every street in Florida has both a name and a number (i.e. Adamo = 60th) just for the hell of it and for the pleasure we get from the reaction of visitors when we give them directions.

Once the light turns green, only 3 cars can go through the intersection. Eight more go through on yellow, and 4 on red.

Know the difference between Sun Pass, Sun Fest, Sun-Sentinel, and Sun Trust.

Flip flops, tank tops and baggy shorts are also known as business casual.

Your blinker means nothing.

English is our first and second language.

It is perfectly acceptable to brag about the size of your generator.

It is totally acceptable to be living in Florida but not root for The Dolphins, The Marlins, The Heat or The Panthers but not rooting for The Bucs or The Rays, is an arrest-able offense.

We have alligators here in Florida and they WILL bite you. Don't be stupid and try to feed or pet one.

When a hurricane is headed our way, even though you have advanced warning and you are told to be prepared, you're not a true Floridian unless you wait until the absolute last minute to go to Home Depot to pick up plywood or to Publix to stock up water, ice, beer, and potato chips.

You know how to spell Okeechobee.

There is an Okeechobee Blvd, Street, Avenue, Town, Lake and County.

A true Floridian does NOT own a boat. They have made friends with someone who already owns one. That way you don't have to deal with any of the headaches.

You weren't born here. If you were, you're angry that everyone else moved here.

There's always a Walgreens across the street from a CVS on almost every corner - with more being built every day.

When picking up a woman on South Beach, always look for an Adams apple.

It's normal to sweat when you are putting up your holiday decorations.

Jupiter is a city, not a planet.

Seniors have to do their errands during the weekdays. Not weeknights or weekends - that's for the working folks.

There are three types of dolphins: Mahi-mahi, Flipper, and also one called a football team.

You can't say; 'this is how we did it up north'. If you think that way, then go back.

No matter what they decide in Tallahassee you will never, ever be able to figure out your property taxes.

Learn how to dress in layers. It will be 95 degrees outside but inside any restaurant or business it's 65 degrees.

There are three things you will need to survive a Florida winter: A long sleeved T-shirt, sunscreen and the ablity to mock all those extremely pale'visitors' with the bright pink 'florida tans'

The same neighbor who smiles at you every day will be the first one to rat you out if you are violating water restrictions.

The secret life of dogs

Alaska bush pilots short takeoff & landing competition

Going bananas

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Bananas contain three natural sugars - sucrose, fructose and glucose combined with fiber. A banana gives an instant, sustained and substantial boost of energy. Research has proven that just two bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world's leading athletes. But energy isn't the only way a banana can help us keep fit. It can also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet.

Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating a banana. This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier. PMS: Forget the pills - eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains regulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood. Anemia: High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemoglobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia. Blood Pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in potassium yet low in salt, making it perfect to beat blood pressure. So much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the banana industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke

Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school ( England ) were helped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast, break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making pupils more alert. Constipation: High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without resorting to laxatives. Hangovers: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make a banana milkshake, sweetened with honey. The banana calms the stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system. Heartburn: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if you suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief. Morning Sickness: Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep blood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness. Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try rubbing the affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and irritation. Nerves: Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous system.

Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology in Austria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like chocolate and chips. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients, researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking on high carbohy drate foods every two hours to keep levels steady. Ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal disorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by coating the lining of the stomach. Temperature control: Many other cultures see bananas as a 'cooling' fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of expectant mothers. In Thailand , for example, pregnant women eat bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD sufferers because they contain the natural mood enhancer tryptophan. Smoking &Tobacco Use: Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. The B6, B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal. Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby reducing our potassium levels.. These can be rebalanced with the help of a high-potassium banana snack. Strokes: According to research in The New England Journal of Medicine, eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of death by strokes by as much as 40%! Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to kill off a wart, take a piece of banana skin and place it on the wart, with the yellow side out. Carefully hold the skin in place with a plaster or surgical tape! So, a banana really is a natural remedy for many ills. When you compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the carbohydrate, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It is also rich in potassium and is one of the best value foods around So maybe its time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, 'A banana a day keeps the doctor away!'

Alaska news

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident,
an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced
Alaska State Troopers.

'We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information
about your wife,' said one trooper.

'Tell me! Did you find her?' Wilkens shouted.

The troopers looked at each other. One said, 'We have some
bad news, some good news, and some really great news.
Which do you want to hear first?'

Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, 'Give me the
bad news first.'

The trooper said, 'I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning
we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay.'

'Oh my God!' exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked,
'What's the good news?'

The trooper continued, 'When we pulled her up, she had 12
twenty-five pound king crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs
clinging to her.'

Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, 'If that's the good news,
what's the great news?'

The trooper said, 'We're going to pull her up again tomorrow.'

Bubba

After having dug to a depth of 10 yards last year, New York scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion, that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, California scientists dug to a depth of 20 yards, and shortly after, headlines in the LA Times newspaper read: 'California archaeologists have found traces of 200 year old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the New Yorkers.'

One week later, Courier, a local newspaper in Russellville Arkansas, reported the following: After digging as deep as 30 yards in the woods near Conway, Bubba Fleming, a self-taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Bubba has therefore concluded that 300 years ago, Central Arkansas had already gone wireless.'