Karma

First Drink With My Son...

I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons, when memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first pint.

Off we went to our local pub which is only two blocks from the house.

I got him a Fosters. He didn't like it – so I drank it.

Then I got him a Carling Black Label, he didn't like it, so I drank it.

It was the same with the Molson, Labatt, Coors and Premium Dry Cider.

By the time we got down to the whiskey I could hardly push the stroller back home!

Knock on the door

There was a knock on the door this past Saturday morning.  I opened it to find a young,
well-dressed man standing there who said, "Hello sir, I'm a Jehovah's Witness."


"Hello," I said, "Come in and sit down."

I offered him a fresh cup of coffee and asked, "What do you want to talk about?"

He said, "Beats the shit out of me, nobody ever let me in before."

French wedding

This happened to an Englishman in France who was totally drunk.


The French policeman stops his car and asks the gentleman if he has been drinking. With great difficulty, the Englishman admits that he has been drinking all day, that his daughter got married in the morning to a French man, and that he drank champagne and a few bottles of wine at the reception and a quite few glasses of single malt thereafter.


Quite upset, the policeman proceeds to alcohol test (breath test) him and asks the Englishman if he knows under French Law why he is going to be arrested.


The Englishman answers with humor: "No sir, I do not! But while we're asking questions, do you know that this is a British car and my wife is driving... on the other side !!

Click image to enlarge.

Life

Speech therapist

A very pretty young speech therapist was getting no where with her "Stammerers Action Group". She had tried every technique in the book without the slightest success. No-one was improving.

Finally, thoroughly exasperated, she said, "If any of you can tell me, without stuttering, the name of the town where you were born I will have wild and passionate sex with you until your muscles ache and your eyes water. So, who wants to go first?"

The Englishman piped up. "B-b-b-b-b-b-b-irmingham."

"That's no use, Trevor," said the speech therapist. "Who's next?"

The Scotsman raised his hand and blurted out "P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-aisley".

"That's no better.There'll be no sex for you, I'm afraid, Hamish."

"How about you, Paddy?"

The Irishman took a deep breath and eventually blurted out "London."

"Brilliant, Paddy!" said the speech therapist and immediately set about living up to her promise.

After 15 minutes of exceptionally steamy sex, the couple paused for breath and Paddy said.....

"-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-erry".