Stiff upper lip

On a train from London to Manchester an Australian was berating the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment.
               

"You English are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. You think your stiff upper lip makes you above the rest of us.

 

Look at me... I'm ME! I have Italian blood, Greek blood, a little Irish blood, and some Aborigine blood..    What do you say to that ?"
               
The Englishman replied, "Awfully sporting of your mother, old chap!"

Chitchat at the airport

A man is alone in an airport lounge. A beautiful woman walks in and sits down at the table next to him.

He decides because she's wearing a uniform, she's probably an off-duty flight attendant. So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for, thereby impressing her greatly.

He leans across to her and says the British Airways motto :

'To Fly. To Serve'?

The woman looks at him blankly.

He sits back and thinks up another line.

He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto :

'Winning the hearts of the world'?

Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.

Undeterred he tries again this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto :

'Going beyond expectations'?

The woman looks at him sternly and says :

'What the hell do you want?'

'Aha!' he says

"American Airlines".

Cornhusker prank

Why men wear earrings

Did you ever wonder why earrings became so popular with men?

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.

The man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense"

The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to ask, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in my car."
(I always wondered how this trend got started.)

Cool Honda Commercial

DINK stick figures

TRANSFERRE​D TO DETROIT

Bob was sitting on the plane waiting to fly to Detroit, when a guy took the seat beside him.  The guy was an emotional wreck, pale, hands shaking, moaning in fear.

 

"What's the matter?" Bob asked.

 

"I've been transferred to Detroit - I've heard the people are crazy there. They've got lots of shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, poor public schools, and the highest crime rate in the nation."

 

Bob replied, "I've lived in Detroit all my life. It's not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, and enroll your kids in a nice private school. It's as safe a place as anywhere in the world."

 

The guy relaxed and stopped shaking and said, "Oh, thank you. I've been worried to death. But if you live there and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?"

 

"I'm a tail gunner on a Budweiser truck."