London Olympic events

Never thought of this......

You know, there are some things that you just never think of..........like Mt. Rushmore from the Canadian side.

DC Earthquake news

Evidently the quake occurred on a little known fault line outside of DC called "Bush's Fault." 

As all of DC leaves work at the same time, the United States experiences a brief economic recovery.

Obama administration points out they "inherited" fault lines from previous administrations.

Fox News claims the Washington monument is leaning to the right, MSNBC claims it's leaning to the left.

It appears as if The United States Geological Survey has determined that the epicenter of the Virginia earthquake was in a graveyard just outside of Washington DC. The cause appears to be all of our Founding Fathers rolling over in their graves.

English language

The English language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic collective nouns for groups of animals.

There is a Pride of lions;

a Murder of crows (as well as their cousins the rooks and ravens);

a School of fish;

an Exaltation of doves;

and presumably because they look so wise, a Parliament of owls.

Now consider the baboon. The loudest, most dangerous and viciously aggressive of all primates. And what is the proper collective noun for a group of baboons?

A Congress.

Getting priorities right or why the West is bankrupt

A naked and drunken woman boards a cab in London one night. The Indian driver keeps staring and does not start the cab.

Woman: Haven't you ever seen a naked woman before???

Indian Driver: I am not staring at you lady...just wondering where you kept money to pay me!

Moral:
That is what most of the American and European banks failed to do (i.e.) assessing repayment capacity before taking in the exposure!!

Football quotes about success and failure

"Gentlemen, it is better to have died a small boy than to fumble THIS football"John Heisman

"Show me a good and gracious loser and I'll show you a failure."
Knute Rockne / Notre Dame

"I make my practices real hard because if a player is a quitter I want him to quit in practice, not in a game."
Bear Bryant / Alabama

"It isn't necessary to see a good tackle. You can hear it."
Knute Rockne / Notre Dame

"At Georgia Southern, we don't cheat. That costs money and we don't have any."
Erk Russell / Georgia Southern.

"Football is only a game. Spiritual things are eternal. Nevertheless, Beat Texas ."
Seen on a church sign in Arkansas prior to the 1969 game.

"After you retire, there's only one big event left....and I ain't ready for that."
Bobby Bowden / Florida State

"The man who complains about the way the ball bounces is likely to be the one who dropped it."
Lou Holtz / Arkansas

"When you win, nothing hurts."
Joe Namath / Alabama

"Motivation is simple. You eliminate those who are not motivated."
Lou Holtz / Arkansas

"If you want to walk the heavenly streets of gold you gotta know the password, "Roll, tide, roll!"
Bear Bryant / Alabama

"A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall."
Frank Leahy / Notre Dame

"There's nothing that cleanses your soul like getting the hell kicked out of you."
Woody Hayes / Ohio State

"I don't expect to win enough games to be put on NCAA probation. I just want to win enough to warrant an investigation."
Bob Devaney / Nebraska

"In Alabama , an atheist is someone who doesn't believe in Bear Bryant."
Wally Butts / Georgia

"You can learn more character on the two-yard line than anywhere else in life."
Paul Dietzel / LSU

"It's kind of hard to rally around a math class."
Bear Bryant / Alabama

When asked if Fayetteville was the end of the world. "No, but you can see it from here."
Lou Holtz / Arkansas

"There's one sure way to stop us from scoring........give us the ball near the goal line."
Matty Bell / SMU

"Lads, you're not to miss practice unless your parents died or you died."
Frank Leahy / Notre Dame

"I never graduated from Iowa , but I was only there for two terms - Truman's and Eisenhower's."
Alex Karras / Iowa

"My advice to defensive players: Take the shortest route to the ball and arrive in a bad humor."
Bowden Wyatt / Tennessee

"I could have been a Rhodes Scholar.......except for my grades."
Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State

"Always remember ..... Goliath was a 40 point favorite over David."
Shug Jordan / Auburn

"They cut us up like boarding house pie.......And that's real small pieces."
Darrell Royal / Texas

"They whipped us like a tied up goat."
Spike Dykes / Texas Tech

"I asked Darrell Royal, the coach of the Texas Longhorns, why he didn't recruit me and he said: "Well, Walt, we took a look at you and you weren't any good."
Walt Garrison / Oklahoma State

"Son, you've got a good engine, but your hands aren't on the steering wheel."
Bobby Bowden / Florida State

"Football is NOT a contact sport - it is a collision sport. Dancing IS a contact sport."
Duffy Daugherty / Michigan State

After USC lost 51-0 to Notre Dame, his post game message to his team: "All those who need showers...take them."
John McKay / USC

"If lessons are learned in defeat.........our team is getting a great education."
Murray Warmath / Minnesota

"The only qualifications for a lineman are to be big and dumb. To be a back, you only have to be dumb."
Knute Rockne / Notre Dame

"Oh, we played about like three tons of buzzard puke this afternoon."
Spike Dykes / Texas Tech

"We live one day at a time and scratch where it itches."
Darrell Royal / Texas

"We didn't tackle well today but we made up for it by not blocking."
John McKay / USC

"Three things can happen when you throw the ball, and two of them are bad ."
Darrell Royal / University of Texas

"I've found that prayers work best ........when you have big players."
Knute Rockne / Notre Dame

Lake Keowee profundity

Two men are out just fishing on Lake Keowee quietly and drinking beer.

Almost silently, so as not to scare the fish, Bob says, 'I think I'm gonna divorce my wife. She hasn't spoken to me in over 2 months.'

Charles continues slowly sipping his beer then thoughtfully says, 'You better think it over, Bob. Women like that are hard to find.'